PUBLIC MARKS from talsi123 with tag funny

Three people, 2 men and 1 woman, and their dogs are in the Vets waiting room. The first man's dog asked the second man's dog what he's there for. They are putting me down.

Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.

Most lipstick contain fish scales! A crocodile always grows new teeth to replace the old teeth! Porcupines float in water! A hummingbird weighs less than a penny! A cockroach can live several weeks with its head cut off - it dies from starvation! One in every 4 Americans has appeared on television!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down. 2. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

(AP) BELFAST, Northern Ireland In Ireland, they bury people quickly - and now they're harnessing the speed of the Internet to help families grieve across the globe.

(AP) COSTA MESA, Calif. A Laguna Niguel man allegedly broke into a woman's home and fell asleep on her couch naked, according to police.

(AP) COLBERT, Okla. A woman looking for a cocaine dealer called a number on her son's cell phone only to discover later that she had phoned a police officer, authorities said.

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, “Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?” The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for moment and then confessed. “Yes, yes he did.” The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks “Who? Who was he? Who was the father?” Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says, “You.”

The Ending is just too painful.... A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees. One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it and the man can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone is home.

A guy is suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he’s referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor. The doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies, “I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across my scalp and...’’ He is interrupted by the doctor. “And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear?” “Yes! Exactly! How did you know?” “Well I am the world’s greatest headache specialist, you know. But I myself suffered from that same type of headache for many years. It is caused by a tension in the scalp muscles. This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my wife oral sex. When she came she would squeeze her legs together with all her strength and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes”. Two weeks go by and the man is back. “Well, how do you feel?” the doctor asked. “Doc, I’m a new man! I feel great! I haven’t had a headache since I started this treatment! I can’t thank you enough. And by the way, you have a lovely home.”

Inventions and discoveries that were made by men and women.... The man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT, The woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION, The woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.

** Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts. ** If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? ** Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there.

(AP) WINSTED, Conn. Bank robbers, terrorists and prowlers have given ski masks a bad name for years, but a Connecticut man is wearing them around town to prove that not everyone who dons one is plotting mayhem.

What you need is a girl wearing a skirt, riding a bicycle, and a kite....have fun

What would you call this guy-- Sick,psycho,stupid... Just take a look.

Bad dancing, bad accidents...but funny video!

ORANGE, Calif. - A $25,000 diamond was found stuck in a shower drain at the prison housing the man accused of stealing it two years ago.

Calif. A Folsom mother has been arrested for allegedly driving her 13-year-old son to fight another boy -- and even trying to keep the fisticuffs going by rooting her son on.

Calif. A Folsom mother has been arrested for allegedly driving her 13-year-old son to fight another boy -- and even trying to keep the fisticuffs going by rooting her son on. Renee Honnold, 37, was arrested Thursday and booked on felony child endangerment and conspiracy charges...

MECHANIC Chris Donald loves his work — he has sex with CARS. And he admitted last night: “Some men like boobs and bums, but I much prefer curvy bodywork.” Chris, 38, has a recognised psychological condition that makes him physically attracted to motors.

Sardar: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train. >Friend: Y? >Sardar: Got upper berth. >Friend: Y did'nt u Xchnged? >Sardar: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchng in the lower Berth.. > >2 >Sardar tells a girl "Come 2 my house at night, >nobody Will b there............. >Girl goes at night & really nobody was there