PUBLIC MARKS from talsi123 with tag humor

Dating these guys can be a pretty enjoyable experience for Girlz Mr nice romantic guy He'll show up with flowers, leave cards around your apartment and quote Keats on a whim. What he'll teach you - This affectionate man will display softer side of men, raising your expectations. After realising this, you'll be less likely to stay with someone who degrades or ignores you in the future....

Three people, 2 men and 1 woman, and their dogs are in the Vets waiting room. The first man's dog asked the second man's dog what he's there for. They are putting me down.

Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, “Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?” The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for moment and then confessed. “Yes, yes he did.” The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks “Who? Who was he? Who was the father?” Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says, “You.”

The Ending is just too painful.... A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees. One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it and the man can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone is home.

A guy is suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he’s referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor. The doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies, “I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across my scalp and...’’ He is interrupted by the doctor. “And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear?” “Yes! Exactly! How did you know?” “Well I am the world’s greatest headache specialist, you know. But I myself suffered from that same type of headache for many years. It is caused by a tension in the scalp muscles. This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my wife oral sex. When she came she would squeeze her legs together with all her strength and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes”. Two weeks go by and the man is back. “Well, how do you feel?” the doctor asked. “Doc, I’m a new man! I feel great! I haven’t had a headache since I started this treatment! I can’t thank you enough. And by the way, you have a lovely home.”

Inventions and discoveries that were made by men and women.... The man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT, The woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION, The woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.

** Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts. ** If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? ** Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there.

KIDS REALLY DO SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in a convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling in shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

Little CHINKI was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, CHINKI, who created the universe?"

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves.

** Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control. ** Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game. ** Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you "just don't understand".

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "NO!" And the girl lived happily ever after.

Do read this................................ There are times in a person's life when he needs to take crucial decisions on his own. Marriage is one of them. Believe me, the decision on whom to marry is the most important decision a person will make in his life. After marriage, your wife is the most important person in your life. She can make or break your life. The mere thought of this is very frightening.

Scene from a movie with a cow as NEO..:)