PUBLIC MARKS from figerrific with tag humor

These are 25 things that I've learned over the years. These are my mistakes: don't let them be yours!

As I’ve spent the last three nights sleeping on the couch I feel a need to try to help my fellow man by providing some useful information to the women of the world. The truth is nearly every man alive looks at porn, and with the internet making porn free, easily accessible, and anonymous, I've never even heard a rumor of a guy who doesn't REGULARLY look at internet porn. If for some reason you don’t think your fella does, your relationship might not be as open and honest as you think. One day you might find yourself jumping on your boyfriend or Husband’s computer to check your e-mail. As you’re typing in the URL you might see a long string pop up with curious words like, “filthy naked underage asian cheerleader sluts.” Maybe you “accidentally” click on this URL and suddenly you’re faced with naked midget grannies doing unspeakable things with vegetables. You might be horrified at what your significant other is looking at, but before you start packing your bags and dividing your DVD’s you should know he might not have wanted to see those pictures any more than you. Here are some things to keep in mind.

Answer a few simple questions and in the time it takes to warble "fa la la la la", you'll have an excuse that will either endear or enrage a prospective host. By all means, use the Generator as often as you like. Send it to friends. Heck, send it to people you don't even like that much. After all, it's way more entertaining than a lot of holiday parties we could name (but won't). So cozy up with a glass of eggnog. And let the excuses fly.

Famous quotes about the value of a drink and warnings of its dangers…

The world's funniest online magazine.

Equal parts comics and commentary, Penny Arcade features Tycho and Gabe, the alter egos of creators Mike Krahulik and Jerry Holkins. Read about the antics and thoughts of the Penny Arcade crew, updated every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

Aquaman, King of the Seven Seas, Has Fucking Had It With You, Man.

Satirical & Funny (not to mention fake) News